So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
