It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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