; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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