Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
