i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
