Please, let me fuck your mom
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
