I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think my moral compass just broke
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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