I cockslap morals
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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