dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
