Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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