He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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