You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
