hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
