Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
