You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
