you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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