Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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