Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this just has baby written all over it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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