i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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