I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
