I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
