apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
