Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just invented taco cereal.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize