I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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