You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize