Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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