Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
