nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
