Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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