bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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