it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
