I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
