shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
