isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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