We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
