I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize