hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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