I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
