just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
