Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize