She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
