things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
