she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we should paint friendship bongs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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