Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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