just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
