I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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