4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
