my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize