He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
