Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
