I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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