oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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