When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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