My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
