3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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