The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
