dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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