1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
