My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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