FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize