you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
