I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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