oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
