that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
