can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
