Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
