I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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