he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
