it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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