I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
