you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
